surrendering

I used to be a closet meditator. Ridiculous thoughts of "what would people think if they knew I meditate?" would block me from sharing the amazing benefits I was receiving. That was a few years and an ego ago. Now I tell everyone! 

YES! I MEDITATE! 

I love my meditation time. I let my friends know how I get to that state of quietness, calmness and happy bliss. I also shared this valuable information with my teen daughters. One of them (my sprightful lovebucket) was turned off to the suggestion. Until she saw me watching the Dr. Oz show with special guest Deepak Chopra, the episode where they were both explaining the health benefits of meditation. It does take a village AND a few celebrity Doctors. 


Once I started to meditate regularly something magical happened, I began "hearing" messages. Here comes the self doubt: Uh oh, back in the closet? Will my family have me committed if I reveal this new information about myself? I only shared this information with a few of my very closest friends. Turns out I'm not crazy - I'm "tuning in" and hearing my own inner voice! Whew. 


Receiving messages makes perfect sense to me now. It has been occurring during my dream state for as long as I can remember. I am extremely intuitive and have been journaling my dreams for over 10 years. It's a gift and one that I am very thankful for. I believe once I acknowledged that this was a gift, I opened up even more. I like to think this makes my Spiritual Support Team very happy :)


Sharing a message from Tuesday, April 26th ~

if the bud never surrendered to the light, it would never blossom into a rose

reveal your light, let it shine 

let your pedals open, let your true essence unfold and blossom

just surrender.

A quick love note to self

Dear Self,

Continue to be authentic you.

Remember I love you. All of you.

xo

Going within and writing down on a bloomie paper

what is in my heart.

Let it Be

This song has been playing in my head for days. Maybe it's supposed to be shared...

                                                ©DebbieFriedrich

Let it be

written by Paul McCartney

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me, 

speaking words of wisdom, let it be. 

And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me, 

speaking words of wisdom, let it be. 

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. 

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. 

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree, 

there will be an answer, let it be. 

For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see, 

there will be an answer. let it be. 

Let it be, let it be, ..... 

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me, 

shine until tomorrow, let it be. 

I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me, 

speaking words of wisdom, let it be. 

Let it be, let it be, ..... 

change is good

Shifting, awakening, awareness, consciousness - these are words that I now have a deeper understanding of. I have been through many transitions throughout my life time and within the past year I have literally felt a "shift", an "awakening" I am now more aware and conscious.

What changed? Me.
How did I get to a deeper level of understanding of my being? Growth.
How did I get there? Learning, understanding, accepting and allowing. All this with supportive, loving people in my life. Support was essential.

My oldest daughter was getting ready to graduate, I was going through a transition in my career and just feeling like something was missing in my life. I felt a hunger that couldn't be satisfied by eating food. I wasn't hearing my own voice and I couldn't see myself in my own future. Was this a mid-life crisis!? Was I in crisis!? Now I realize ... I was in chrysalis mode!

                           

             chrys.a.lis: noun. figurative a preparatory or transitional state. 

            I was changing. 

I was hungry and fed myself by learning. Learning about so many different things to aid in my growth and being taught by so many wonderful people in my life. Friends, mentors, books, and classes. I was so eager to learn. Even my children and my husband unknowingly taught me lessons about myself. 

I was in chrysalis mode. Evolving. Changing. Being in and photographing nature was so fulfilling and nurturing to me. I learned a lot from the natural process of Mother Nature.

"The caterpillar had the seeds of transformation, the imaginal cells, within her all along. But she had to die completely to her old life to be born into the new form that was her true nature, essence, and destiny." - Joan Borysenko, Ph.D author of Saying Yes to Change

A year and half later, I am hearing my own voice, I am feeling empowered and AWAKE. There are times when I do feel like crawling back into the chrysalis. And I do, I retreat and sit back. Listen. But it's not to go backwards, it's a continual learning experience. Isn't that life though?

Accountability Buddy

Chatting with a dear friend the other day, we were talking about keeping our goals in check. Personal, business, whatever goals we set for ourselves. We came up with some good ideas to implement for keeping the soul on track with our purpose. Then the words ... "accountability buddy" popped in my head. 

Ah ha! "YOU need an accountability buddy!" wait, I need an accountability buddy. I have so many things I want to accomplish - I just want to put it ALL out there. But I am going to need structure, focus, a plan to stick to. I might need more than one accountability buddy - I just may need an accountability troop! I'm not saying don't be accountable for yourself, I'm just saying it's nice when someone walks with you and helps to keep you on track and accountable toward your goals and purpose.

An Accountability Buddy can:

• check in via text, email or a phone call and ask "what have you worked on today?"
• forward any information found in alignment with your goals
• offer positive feedback and encouragement
• listen

Have someone in mind for yourself? Reach out and then return the favor :)

Still feelin' the love

When I was writing my first blog entry "I AM worth the halibut" on the day of "self-love" I have to admit, a wee bit of self doubt crept in my head for a minute. Then I remembered to stay true to myself and my heart that is brimming with so many things to share. It's like these thoughts and words have been percolating this past year and I now have this personal blog to freely express them from my true artistic and authentic self. It's quite freeing. 

When you learn to let go, miracles do occur. As I was writing that first blog entry, I looked out my studio window and saw this heart cloud. I was SO thankful I caught it!

I then turned to walk back inside, and toward the sun setting in the west - I saw another one!

How lucky!! How loved! They almost look like heart shaped thought bubbles! Thank you God, Mother Nature, the Universe - I get it. I am loved and I am supported. 

I AM worth the halibut

One afternoon last summer, my husband suggested we have fish for dinner. I haven't made fish in a while so we agree that I would purchase and make halibut for us. We haven't had halibut in a long time. The teens had their own dinner plans so it would just be the two of us.

I arrive at the market, walk up to the fish counter and am taken back by the price per pound of halibut! $20 per pound for halibut steak!? That's $40 for the two of us. Immediately my "I am not worthy of this" kicks in. Why the heck do I do that? Why do I think I'm not worth $20 dollars a pound for halibut? It's not like we have this all the time. It's not like we can't afford it. My heart starts beating, and I think to myself "I will get Brian the halibut and I'll have ... tilapia". Praying that the fish guy behind the counter doesn't call on me yet.

Then I see halibut fillets. Ah. There, that's better, $10.99 per pound. That will be about $20 for the both of us. But then I think what if I ruin it then I just wasted $20. It's no secret I'm not the best cook. The self punishment for not being a better cook creeps in and I think maybe I don't even deserve to get halibut for $10.99 a pound.

"How can I help you?" Oh God, the fish guy is talking to me. "Um, yes, well I will take 1 halibut fillet and (long pause) 1 tilapia fillet." Did that just come out of my MOUTH? Did I just dis myself a halibut!?  Where does this come from? I take my fish assortment and the huge lump in my throat, pay for it and leave.

When I get home Brian asks with excitement "did you get us some halibut!?" my eyes starting to sting, "well, I got you the halibut and me .. tilapia" he looked so confused "why!?" the stinging in my eyes now starting to turn to moisture I simply said "I don't know." I couldn't go through the whole scenario like I did in my head at the fish counter. About how I feel like I'm not pulling my own weight financially because my whole career is going through a transition while I am being my artistic self. About me not feeling like I would do a nice halibut fillet any justice. About me just at that moment - not feeling quite good enough.

A few months after that episode of major self doubt I shared that story with a very special group of women in my five day intensive Feng Shui course taught by Alice Inoue . My husband believed in me taking this course and I allowed myself to feel "worthy" of taking that time for myself. The theme for me through the course was to "go for the halibut!" We shared a lot of great moments during that time and I came away with not only the Feng Shui knowledge but also permission to allow myself to just be me. No excuses, no shortfalls. Nothing against tilapia but I absolutely do prefer the halibut. (Special thank yous and appreciation to Alan Wong for a most memorable, delicious, celebratory dinner with my Feng Shui sisters and the most delicious HALIBUT I have ever had.)

I apply the "halibut syndrome" to a lot of things now and ask myself:  Why settle for less? Why put myself second, third, even last? Why put my dreams on hold? Stand up and go for the halibut! Because I'm worth it.